#054 Fake Istighfar
As-salamu alaykum everyone. Last week we shared notes about The Key to Abundance (Istighfar). This week, is still about istighfar, on how should do our istighfar.
It is not just merely reciting it. It’s more than that. It has to be done sincerely.
So here goes the notes:-
There is the artificial kind of seeking forgiveness:
“Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah...”
which for some people is so artificial.
Like Ali (رضي الله عنه) saw somebody doing it and said to him, "Your istighfar needs istighfar."
Cause that just, it's just rolling off your tongue.
There are something that keep you and me from seeking Allah's forgiveness.
It has to do with expectation.
Some people, deep in their mind, have internalized that,
"I have done way too much messed-up stuff."
"Allah probably doesn't like me very much."
Some people even go as far as to say,
"I've heard them say, 'Allah hates me.'"
"Allah hates me."
"Allah doesn't like me."
"Allah is angry with me, I've done a lot of bad things."
"I knew Allah doesn't want me to do this."
"This is I did it anyway and I did it over and over and over again."
"So I'm basically off of Allah's good books."
"My prayers don't mean it."
And when people internalize that, you know what they do?
"I'm a bad person, could you make dua for me? Cause I'm disqualified already."
"So you need to make dua for me because I'm hoping at least Allah will listen to you."
"Maybe I have a chance. Cause there's no way Allah will listen to me."
"You seem to have a much better connection with Allah than I do."
Let me take you back. Short reminder.
Who was the offer made to by Nuh (عليه السلام)?
Nuh (عليه السلام) was making this offer to one of the most rebellious nations on earth.
Continuously rebellious.
And he said, "If you can just come ask forgiveness, not only will Allah give you forgiveness, He'll open up the world for you."
In other words, you don't get to write yourself off.
You don't get to say about yourself, "I'm too far gone."
Seeking forgiveness is not for you, maybe for somebody else.
"But I'm a lost case."
"I'm a terminal case."
"I'm beyond hope."
"I'm already done for."
"If anything, my mom will make dua for me."
"I'll just won't make dua for me."
And this is when shaitan comes.
Shaitan uses that.
When shaitan takes advantage of the hopelessness of people, and that's one of the doors to shrik.
You know that? One of the doors to shrik.
Why? Because then religions come.
False religions come that say,
"You're too messed up, let Jesus forgive you."
"You be good to Jesus, he'll take care of God for you."
"He'll be in between, or get place somebody else in between."
"This saint, go to his grave."
"Go ask him, be good to him, put some chocolate in front of his grave, and he'll ask Allah to take care of your problems."
"Because you're too messed up. You can't deal with Allah, He's too angry with you."
"He however was in Allah's good book, so you go through him."
This how shrik opens up.
In other words, the essence of our direct connection with Allah, which is what Iman is, which is what tauhid is, which is what لآإِلَهَ إِلاَّ الله is.
The essence of it is you get to ask Allah directly for what you need.
And I'm telling you, I'm reminding myself, the thing we need the most because it will take care all of our needs, is seeking forgiveness.
Now, there is a seeking forgiveness by the tongue, and there is a seeking forgiveness by the heart.
Human beings tend to be defensive.
If I criticize you for something, "Hey, I saw you said that. Why did you say that?"
"I didn't mean it like that!"
"You don't understand what I was going through!"
"Excuse me, you don't even understand the whole story!"
"Hey, I notice that you did this."
You get defensive immediately.
(QS. 75:14-15) بَلِ الۡاِنۡسَانُ عَلٰى نَفۡسِهٖ بَصِيۡرَةٌ ۙ وَّلَوۡ اَلۡقٰى مَعَاذِيۡرَهٗؕ
"Human beings have good view of themselves, but they make lots of excuses."
They keep throwing excuses.
If you're going to seek Allah's forgiveness, you have to find a time.
It doesn't matter if you don't know Arabic, and you only know Punjabi, and you only know Bangla, or Bahasa, or English, or Urdu. It doesn't matter.
You speak to Allah, and you genuinely admit to Him what you've done wrong, and don't make excuses.
It's really hard to do that.
Because even when you stand in the mirror, you lie to yourself.
You tell yourself,
"I'm not that bad."
"I have reasons for what I did."
"I have justification. I've been through a lot."
But when you're going to come in front of Allah, you have to forget about justifying, because all of your justifications, He knows them already.
He knew what you were going through.
He knew it was a tough time.
He knew this was overwhelming you, that was overwhelming you.
"I was under a lot of stress ya Rabb, that's why I drank."
Don't give Him the reasons.
He knows your reasons better than you do.
You need to come to Him openly, without any filters, without any hesitation, with no guard, with no shame.
You're embarrassed to even admit this to anyone until you completely openly admit to Allah how messed up you've been and how you've messed up.
Completely openly.
And as you do it, let me tell you, as you start verbalizing those things, I would be hard-pressed to think tears are not going to roll down your eyes.
It's impossible for a human being to open up so vulnerable before Allah, before anyone, and especially Allah, to open up so much, and then not believe not have tears roll down their eyes, because it's a moment of weakness.
To the world, you have to show yourself as strong, and confident, and you're just fine.
Everybody sees you and thinks everything's okay.
But the only one who gets to know nothing is okay, there is a lot of problems, is Allah.
You have to open up to Him openly, and then you're going to be in a position to ask for forgiveness.
Then you get to beg in sajdah, then it turns into something else.
It's not just, "Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah..."
It's a real conversation with Allah. It's a real confession with Allah (عز و جل).
It's a powerful powerful thing.
Try it for yourself.
You have to find alone time, alone to yourself.
You have to make sure nobody else is listening.
You can't even do it in the middle of the night. You get up from the bed, the wife is still in bed, you sit on the side of the bed, "Ya Allah forgive me," and she's listening.
You can't do that.
Be in the car by yourself, doesn't matter.
Be somewhere alone.
This is just your time with Allah.
Your alone time with Allah.
And verbalize it, hear yourself say it.
There's one thing to just whisper it, and if you're just going to memorize a bunch of duas in Arabic, and you don't even know what they mean, and just recite them. And if you're going to keep doing that, and those duas are beautiful, they're powerful, but if your heart isn't speaking them, your tongue is speaking them, then you're not seeking istighfar yet.
May Allah reward you for the dhikr that you're doing, for behalf that you're reciting, but that's not istighfar.
Istighfar is something else.
And when these tears come down, when this starts opening up, then the sky opens up.
p.s: The video where the notes were taken from, it was illustrated beautifully by the Free Quran Education team:-